i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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