Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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