She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
