We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
