dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
