Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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