So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
