woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
