I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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