And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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