Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How external is "for external use only"?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
