Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fuck appropriateness.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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