i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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