I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
