Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
