Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
