just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
