i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
