there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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