I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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