At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
