What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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