Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
