just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
