He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
