Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
