ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
