I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
