I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
