I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
