it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
