oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
