call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
