You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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