She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
