I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
