There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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