i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize