I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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