Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
