my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
