Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
