Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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