just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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