it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was confusing and full of hummus
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
