please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize