I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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