i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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