So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
