Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
