we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
