P.S. I can't hear my feet
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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