Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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