haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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