My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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