So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
