Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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