Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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