I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
