I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
