no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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