theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
