Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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