So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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