I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
