They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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