Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
