I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
