I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
