i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
