You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
