I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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