It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
